A Morning Waking Up To 7k Loss And 50% Margin Used

The above is what I woke up to on Friday morning. My 4lot size exposure - very unusual that I get sucked into positions of such a large size - showing me over 150 pips in the red. A total of over 7k USD. The margin used was showing over 50%, something I don't think I'd had since last summer.

I felt sick, annoyed and stupid. I thought how is this possible that when I had my strongest conviction it goes against me so quickly. It was painful as I had just comeback to breakeven on my account after 8-9 months of being in the red. Knowing that you've destroyed so much in such little time is a blow to the stomach.

What did I do when I saw the over 7k loss? I thought of increasing my position further for a second. That idea was quickly scrapped as the weekend was coming up and I'd get a margin call if I increased any further. So I just watched in horror. I didn't want to close, but I was very very close. I think if EUR had kept moving up I'd have closed out with 8-9k loss. Or maybe I'd have just frozen and been liquidated automatically.

By friday evening my margin used was fluctuating between 30-34%. I transfered another 2-3k to the margin account so that I could carry the trade over the weekend. I got an automatic email from my broker shortly after 22.00CET alerting me to the fact that I was on level 1 of 3 margin call levels. That email just being a warning that it's getting tight regarding my account. I hated that as it reminded me of my "Maximum Pain" day. It was like a replay. This time I held tight (a bad thing to do really) - like a stubborn mule. My rational was: If all the shorts got blown to bits like me Friday morning CET and market is flat to lower vs the highs there's some hope I can see some extension of post-squeeze pullback.

As you have surely seen from the action today EUR is off and I've closed my position at a tiny profit even though I feel very strongly about EURCHF retesting the lows in coming months. But I just can't control myself as I should be able to. After being so deep in the red and then coming back to very light green, it's really really difficult for me to hang on to a position. It's so classic. Letting losers run and closing out winners quickly. I thought the first part of the week had shown me I could let winners run better after all, but I'm sure my instinct is just a real problem.

Final P&L is +536$ after -7'700$ at one point. It has proven that my account is at risk as a whole. The account size is the stop loss. That's scary.